I think saying that statement out loud is what got my heart
going a little bit. I started to
think about him more in “that way” and watch him more carefully. Lucky for me, we both were going to the
same camp again – this time a Precept (an intense Bible study ministry) camp
where I would be a student and he would be a counselor. When I got there I learned that we
would be in the same classroom all week.
Such good fortune.
When he got up to teach, I held onto his every word. He had such wisdom, and I could tell
that he really loved Jesus. We had a few conversations here and
there and I loved how he was so kind, and funny, and humble. And the great thing was, I knew he
wasn’t just putting on a show to impress me; because as far as he was
concerned, I was just the little high school girl his sister had been
mentoring. I began to notice that
who he was, he was to everyone. Sweet, gentle, funny, humble, a servant;
it didn’t matter who he was talking to, he treated them the same. I loved that
about him. By the end of the camp,
I had fallen for him. Hard.
Why yes, actually, I think I would like to
marry Ben Whittinghill. Like, for
real.
That summer was the beginning of me falling head over heels
for this man that I hardly knew. I
would call it a crush, but that doesn’t quite cover it. And “obsession” is too
strong of a word …so place me somewhere in the middle of that spectrum and
that’s about where I was.
All I knew was that I had found a man who fit everything I had been
praying for and hoping for. He was exactly what I wanted.
And I was hopelessly attracted to him too.
I was toast.
I hadn’t dated at all before, and now any chance of me being
satisfied with anyone less than Ben went out the window. Now that I knew that a man like this
existed, I couldn’t settle. I knew
that I would either marry Ben, or someone better (not possible.) My senior year of high school came and
went but not without my closest friends hearing me gush about every time I ran
into him at church, or heard some wonderful thing about him from my mom or his
sister. I’m sure they thought I
was crazy.
The following summer, I went to the same Precept camp
again. Ben, however, did not. I had just graduated, and would be
heading up to Liberty University in the fall. I remember confiding in one of the counselors there about my
feelings for Ben and how hard it was to just be waiting on the Lord and not
knowing if this was ever going to go anywhere and hello, I’m moving 8 hours away to Virginia and I’m probably going to
come back and find him ENGAGED!
She, with wisdom from the Lord, encouraged me to just ponder
in my heart. Keep these feelings
between the Lord and me and just trust Him with it. Such good advice.
A few days later, much to my surprise and delight, Ben
popped in at Precept on his way to Nashville to say hello to his friends there.
We had one conversation in the
lobby. Nothing special, but I remember
feeling really comfortable around him. What I didn’t know was that something changed for him
in that conversation. He would
later tell me that I seemed older to him and that he couldn’t get me out of his
head the whole drive to Nashville.
If I had known that then, I would have definitely freaked out.
I moved up to Liberty in the fall, met a lot of friends, met
a lot of guys, was told by all sorts
of faculty and professors that my husband was probably in this room because
pretty much everyone meets their husband at Liberty. But I didn’t believe them. And I compared every single guy I met to Ben and couldn’t
shake my feelings for him.
And then I came home for Christmas break.
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