Out of parched ground

Isaiah 53:1-2
"Who has believed our message? And to whom has the arm of the LORD been revealed?
For He grew up before Him like a tender shoot, and like a root out of parched ground.  He has no stately form or majesty that we should look upon Him, nor appearance that we should be attracted to Him."

I haven't been able to get this phrase out of my mind: for He grew up before Him like a tender shoot, and like a root out of parched ground."
I keep rolling it around in my head, pressing it for meaning, praying for understanding.

This is the one thing I know about that statement that keeps coming back to me...

roots don't grow out of parched ground.

Just like life can't come out of death.

And a virgin can't conceive a child...much less the embryo of God.

Yet all these things have happened and the hope of my life now and for eternity is resting on the shoulderss of these impossibilities; spinning on the axis of things that never should have happened, could not have happened.  Without God.

So as I'm thinking about Jesus this morning, I'm being renewed by the truths of His ability to not only do the impossible, but that the essence of His character is to be the unthinkable. God. But man.  Infintite. Yet confined to need to be born, fed, to sleep, and drink.
And to do the ultimate impossibility of all - to make us righteous before a holy God.  He didn't just sweep our sins under the cosmic rug of the universe and pretend they never happened.  No, He humbled Himself to be punished as though He was the one who had done all the sins ever committed - and for a glorious trade - so we who believe would be treated and seen by God as though we had only ever done the righteous acts of Jesus Christ.

This is a glorious and true and impossible thing that I'm praising God for today.  And in a very personal way I'm asking Him to search my heart for dead things and to make them alive.  To bring some fresh and strong roots out of the parched ground in my heart.  Because this Easter I don't just want to celebrate new life in a general sense but in a personal, this-is-something-God-has-been-doing-in-my-own-heart kind of way.
Because I know for me, I can "be" something without really being it.
I became a wife two years ago, but I am learning to really be a helping, loving, and gracious wife.
I became a mom a few months ago, but I am very aware of the the fact that I will be learning how to really mother for the rest of my life.
I am alive in Jesus Christ, but I am still learning to let Him really bring to life every cell and fiber of my being so I can truly be alive.  

As I was sitting out on my porch thinking about roots and parched ground, I lookded into our backyard and saw this.  A lone daffodil.  Growing out in our yard that is dry and shady and grows nothing.  Perfect example? I think yes. 

Christie - Senior

One of the blessings of growing up in a large family (I am the second oldest of 8) is that you have a bunch of built in best friends.  Not to the point, however, that we didn't want to invite other kids to our birthday parties, as people used to jokingly suggest.  Not funny.  Anyways, not only is Christie my sister, she's also one of my dearest friends.  She's in South Africa now until July and I dearly miss her. But without further ado, here are (some of) her senior portraits.  

Preparing for Easter

I realized a few years ago that Easter is one of those holidays that always seems to slip up on me.

I mean, there are certain ones you just can't miss - like Christmas.  The lights, music, malls tricked out to no end with ornaments and trees, parties, etc., etc.  And with the way the stores start getting ready pretty much as early as labor day, I feel like I get a pretty good heads up to start preparing my heart to celebrate the true meaning of Christmas.

But Easter always gets me.  And I hate that because it really is one of my absolute favorite holidays. How could it not be?  The whole reason I experience such joy and deep peace daily is because of what we celebrate on that day.  Jesus is alive! Currently!  He didn't just rise from the dead but then kind of disappear into oblivion, He is, right now, interceding on my behalf to the Father.  Amazing.

Easter is a big deal.  And so for the past few years I've been trying to figure out ways to start celebrating and preparing my heart at least a month before we actually get to "Passion Week" on the calendar.

Here are a few things I've come up with:

• Reading through the different gospel accounts of Jesus heading to the cross

• Reading, memorizing, meditating on Isaiah 53

• As a part of my devotions in the morning, I've started reading through this book. It has excerpts from a bunch of different books and writings that all have to do with the cross.  Authors include Charles Spurgeon, John Piper, Martin Luther, CJ Mahaney, and Augustine.  It's really great. 

I'm trying to also brainstorm ways to help Levi and all my other future babies prepare to celebrate Easter, as soon as they are old enough to start understanding.

What do you do to celebrate Easter and to prepare for it beforehand?

Our love story - Chapter four

 February 23, 2008 will always hold a precious place in my heart.

Elizabeth took me to breakfast in the morning with the plan that Ben would pick me up from there and take me to coffee.  She played the role of “middle-woman” well – being Ben’s sister and one of his very best friends as well as my dear friend and the mentor I confided in, she heard lots of juicy details from both sides and did a great job keeping them to herself and not betraying confidence.   Right before he got there though, she let me know that Ben doesn’t just “take girls to coffee” – in fact, he hadn’t gone on a date in four years. 

So I could be confident that he’s at least interested in me. No pressure.

Then he walked in – and to say that I was nervous would be a giant understatement.  Sweaty palms, dry throat, heart about to beat out of my chest – it’s amazing I even squeaked out a “hello.”  He took to me to Caribou and I began to relax just as soon as we started talking and I realized that this is just Ben – the guy I’ve been talking to for hours at a time over the past two months.  We’re just two friends going to coffee.  No big deal.  Calm down.

After making some small talk, he started talking about the internship he had been praying about doing in Chattanooga.  You know how sometimes you feel like you know what the Lord wants you to do but you still have to take that step of faith? Well, it’s really been like that with this whole internship thing, and it’s really been like that with you.

I’m amazed I didn’t fall out of my chair. 

My stomach flipped and I just sat there stunned– watching the guy I had been praying for and dreaming of for a year and a half proceed to share his feelings for me and all that the Lord had been doing in his heart to lead him up to this date.   After saying a lot of sweet things (that I will always treasure in my heart but will spare you of writing the details here) he basically said

I like you, I’m attracted to you, and I want to ask your permission to pursue you.

Um, permission granted.

Except I actually just said “yes,” in a little mouse-like voice and “I like you too.” And then I just continued to stare at him quietly, soaking it all in, while he talked about how he wanted to date me but wanted to give me time to get to know him first.

I couldn’t stop smiling the rest of the day and wrote this in my journal:

“I still can’t believe it happened.  Ben Whittinghill likes me. Ben likes me! Ahh! I started crying when I was talking to Brit about it. I just feel so…precious.  He likes me, he asked to pursue me, he wants to date me, he wants to get to know me.  I feel like such a treasure! I’m still completely caught off-guard by the timing of it all because I never thought anything like this would happen to me anytime soon.  I’ve prayed about it for so long and put it in God’s hands over and over again, but I never expected that the Lord would let it happen like this.  The Lord is just so so precious.”

I went back up to Liberty, he called me every day, and we started dating less than a month later.  He proposed the following summer but I’ll save that wonderfully romantic story for another time. He hasn’t stopped pursuing me, and I still think he’s the most amazing man in the world. 

 This was taken on one of our first dates at Stone Mountain. 

Our love story - Chapter three

When I came home from Liberty for Christmas break, Ben would come over sometimes to pick up Brandon or drop him off.  He would often stay and visit with all of us and I didn’t mind his lingering one bit.  One day my mom ever so nonchalantly mentioned that she wondering if picking up Brandon wasn’t the only reason we had been seeing so much of Ben.

Gulp.

Seriously? She couldn’t possibly mean…

No way.  But it was true; she was on to him.  I didn’t dare let myself believe that he could actually like me, but hope has a funny way of hanging on in your heart against all logic and reason.  So hope I did.  And you can imagine my absolute shock and panic when my sister ever so nonchalantly mentioned that she had given Ben my screen name.

I’m sorry, you what?

My sister and I had both wanted this certain download for our computers and when she found out that Ben had it, she took the initiative to tell him that we wanted it and give him both of our screen names. Wonderful.  I’m mean, I was completely embarrassed but it really was wonderful because he called me up a few days later and we videochatted for an hour.  And I of course freaked out afterwards but thought I would never hear from him again when I went back up to Liberty for Spring semester…but I did! He IMed me around once a week and wore out just about every excuse I think he could possibly come up with to talk to me. 

Hey, I heard you were reading a new biography and I wanted to get the name of it…

Hey, I heard your sister was sick and I wanted to check on her…

Hey, I’m a really slow typer, do you mind if we videochat instead?

I loved every single excuse but loved the moment when it was simply,

Hey, I just wanted to see how you’re doing…

I treasured our conversations.  We would often videochat for hours and I could feel myself becoming more and more comfortable with him.  He was so easy to talk to and we talked about everything…Jesus, our families, what was going on in our lives, what we had been learning, silly stuff, serious stuff, anything and everything.  He was becoming less of this distant crush I adored and more of a dear friend (that I adored).  However, the more we talked the harder I fell and I started to get afraid that maybe I was letting myself get too attached to him without having any idea how he felt about me.  I was so afraid of my heart being broken and felt the need to protect myself.  But just as I was contemplating pulling back…

After squeeling with delight (thank goodness this was a typed conversation and not face to face) I said yes in the most relaxed way I could think of so as to not blow my totally chill I’m so used to this because I go on coffee dates all the time demeanor that was masking how I really felt - just kidding I’ve never been to coffee with a guy before in my life and I want to marry you so that makes me especially nervous.

After scouring the closet of every girl on my hall for the most. perfect. outfit. possible.  I headed to Atlanta for what would turn out to be one of the sweetest little mornings of my life.  

(And by the way, my ichat automatically saves all my conversations in an archive so I just pulled it up and took a screen shot of the bubble. Just in case you were wondering.)

Our love story - Chapter Two

I think saying that statement out loud is what got my heart going a little bit.  I started to think about him more in “that way” and watch him more carefully.  Lucky for me, we both were going to the same camp again – this time a Precept (an intense Bible study ministry) camp where I would be a student and he would be a counselor.  When I got there I learned that we would be in the same classroom all week.  Such good fortune.  

When he got up to teach, I held onto his every word.  He had such wisdom, and I could tell that he really loved Jesus.  We had a few conversations here and there and I loved how he was so kind, and funny, and humble.  And the great thing was, I knew he wasn’t just putting on a show to impress me; because as far as he was concerned, I was just the little high school girl his sister had been mentoring.  I began to notice that who he was, he was to everyone.  Sweet, gentle, funny, humble, a servant; it didn’t matter who he was talking to, he treated them the same. I loved that about him.  By the end of the camp, I had fallen for him.  Hard.

 Why yes, actually, I think I would like to marry Ben Whittinghill.  Like, for real. 

That summer was the beginning of me falling head over heels for this man that I hardly knew.  I would call it a crush, but that doesn’t quite cover it. And “obsession” is too strong of a word …so place me somewhere in the middle of that spectrum and that’s about where I was.    All I knew was that I had found a man who fit everything I had been praying for and hoping for.  He was exactly what I wanted.

And I was hopelessly attracted to him too. 

I was toast.

I hadn’t dated at all before, and now any chance of me being satisfied with anyone less than Ben went out the window.  Now that I knew that a man like this existed, I couldn’t settle.  I knew that I would either marry Ben, or someone better (not possible.)  My senior year of high school came and went but not without my closest friends hearing me gush about every time I ran into him at church, or heard some wonderful thing about him from my mom or his sister.  I’m sure they thought I was crazy.

The following summer, I went to the same Precept camp again.  Ben, however, did not.  I had just graduated, and would be heading up to Liberty University in the fall.  I remember confiding in one of the counselors there about my feelings for Ben and how hard it was to just be waiting on the Lord and not knowing if this was ever going to go anywhere and hello, I’m moving 8 hours away to Virginia and I’m probably going to come back and find him ENGAGED! 

She, with wisdom from the Lord, encouraged me to just ponder in my heart.  Keep these feelings between the Lord and me and just trust Him with it.  Such good advice.

A few days later, much to my surprise and delight, Ben popped in at Precept on his way to Nashville to say hello to his friends there.  We had one conversation in the lobby.  Nothing special, but I remember feeling really comfortable around him.   What I didn’t know was that something changed for him in that conversation.  He would later tell me that I seemed older to him and that he couldn’t get me out of his head the whole drive to Nashville.  If I had known that then, I would have definitely freaked out.

I moved up to Liberty in the fall, met a lot of friends, met a lot of guys, was told by all sorts of faculty and professors that my husband was probably in this room because pretty much everyone meets their husband at Liberty.  But I didn’t believe them.  And I compared every single guy I met to Ben and couldn’t shake my feelings for him.

And then I came home for Christmas break. 

Our love story - Chapter One

Whenever people ask how I met my husband, I kind of stumble over my words for an answer because it’s difficult to pinpoint the actual day we “met.”  For the better part of my life since middle school, he has just been there; in the background for a while, but always there.  You see, when my family starting going to First Baptist Woodstock, his mom was my mom’s Sunday school teacher and they became dear friends.  Then his older sister, Elizabeth, started to disciple me.  That relationship in and of itself is a huge part of my testimony.  Our families became dear friends but because Ben is a little over 5 years old than me, our paths never really crossed.  He was in high school when I was in middle school, then in college when I was in high school.  The age gap was way too wide and I just never really noticed him. 

All that changed the summer after my junior year in high school over the span of two summer camps I attended.  The first one was with First Baptist and he went as a counselor for my brother and his friends.  I had my sights set elsewhere at this time, but couldn’t help but notice how different Ben was than other guys I had been around; genuinely sweet, humble, and mature.  And His walk with the Lord was just obvious. After camp he started to disciple my younger brother, Brandon.  He would come over to pick him up for coffee, play football in the backyard, and visit with my family when he dropped him off.  Elizabeth had always told me that Ben was a great guy and an example of the kind of guy I should be waiting for, and I was beginning to see that.  Not in a “I have a huge crush on you” kind of way, just a “wow, this guy is really impressive kind of way.” But I was 16 and he was 21 and so I really didn’t even entertain the idea.  Yet.

A key conversation took place at this point in the story with my dear friend, Brittany.  Between this summer camp and the one a few months later, we were sitting on her bed talking probably about marriage, boys, etc. 

She asked me,

“if you had to pick someone to marry today who would it be?”

I kind of surprised myself when I answered, “well, I think I would choose Ben Whittinghill.” 

This is me and Brandon at Summer camp...just in case you were wondering how much of a baby I was. 

5 months

Dear Levi,

I know I will say this probably every month (I think I already have), but I really can't believe you are this old already. I mean, 5 months sounds like an "older" baby to me, not a little newborn.  You aren't a newborn anymore.  You are an active, playful, sweet, responsive, loving little guy.  You grab my face and give me your version of kisses.  You hold my hand while I'm feeding you.  You get super hyper and funny at bedtime and it makes it hard for us to want to leave the room and turn off the lights.
You've been a little conjested and under the weather lately. Fevery, snotty, fussy and unable to get comfortable...and it really breaks my heart and makes me feel so helpless.  I have a feeling this is what it will be like when you skin your knee for the first time or get your feelings hurt by a friend or lose your baseball game.  I carry your hurts in my heart and wish I could make everything better. I know I won't always be able to.  You've changed my world and made everything so much sweeter and I couldn't love you more.  Thanks for making me a momma, you precious little guy.

I love you so much,

Your Momma

Just finished reading - The Hidden Art of Homemaking

One of my goals for this year is to read a book a month.  So far, I'm about on target.  In January I read Edith Shaeffer's, The Hidden Art of Homemaking, and I really enjoyed it.  Edith's purpose for the book is to show that, because we serve a creative, beautiful, God, Christians should delight in creativity and pursue beauty in all aspects of life.  She writes a chapter on a bunch of different topics (clothes, food, writing, decorating) and shows how we can enjoy the glory of God in each one of them.

The book was particularly encouraging to me because I love crafts, sewing, painting, etc.  I wish I had a gift card to JoAnn's that never ran out.  I wish I knew how to garden and I plan on planting something soon.  I enjoy clothes and decorating and making things beautiful.  This book confirmed that not only are these things not "un-spiritual" but rather the opposite - that if they are done from the right motives, they can bring glory to God because as I express creativity and joy in doing so, I am being like my Creator and bringing glory to Him in the process.

I definitely reccomend this book. You can buy it here.
It's a little old, as you can tell from the cover.  Enjoy!

Brittany and Patrick - Engaged

I'll just start off this post by saying that Brittany (or Britta as I prefer to call her) is one of my dearest friends in the world.  The kind of friend that I've gone to summer camp with since middle school, got ready for prom together and had all sorts of sleepovers with, talked on the phone with just about every day in highschool, and dreamed together about the day we would be married and become wives and eventually mommies.  A true friend.  

Brittany never dated in highschool, or actually at any time in her life, for that matter.  She was just waiting on the Lord.  Finally, out of the absolute blue - the Lord brough Patrick.  It was so unexpected and he was really not like what she had envisioned at all, but in due time she fell. Hard.  Seeing no need to prolong things, they were engaged 7 months after meeting, and got married about 4 months later.  It is such a blessing to see someone you love be so happy - the Lord has been good to them!

Stubblefield Family + baby Caleb on the way!

My sister (I prefer to drop the "in-law"part) and I were blessed to be pregnant with boys at the exact same time.  Caleb was born 15 days after my Levi.  We call them the "cousin-twins" and we get really excited when we think of those two rascals running around and getting into mischief together someday.  

I love this sweet little family!

This girl's cuteness gets me every time!

And we'll end this post with my personal favorite...