December 31st.

I think if there were ever a day that were suitable for reflection, December 31st would be it.
The last day of the year makes me want to slow down for a second and ask myself, what am I doing with my life?
Am I making it count? Is anything I'm doing going to make a dent in eternity?

By the grace of God, there are a few things I can look back on and know that, yes, they are making a difference in the kingdom.  Conversations had.  Meals made.  Gifts given.  Prayers prayed.
He is working through me and there are many days and moments that I know have not been wasted.  They have been spent well, poured out to the last drop.

And then there are those other days/moments that I have to give the "nope...not gonna matter" award to.
And those are the ones that I want to work on diminishing.  Time used poorly.  Oppurtunities passed up.  Idle thoughts...prayers not prayed.  Too much time on one thing...not enough time on another.

And I know the truth of this - that I will be spending the 31st of December every year until I'm so old that I don't even know what day it is assessing the previous year and asking myself what I could've and should've done differently, and I know that I will never feel like I have arrived.  I know that.  I don't want to ever feel like that because if I do, I will have arrived in the wrong place.

I do, however, want to keep asking Jesus how He wants to use this life.
He paid a very high price for it... He gets to decide how it is spent and poured out.

I think it might have been Elisabeth Elliot that said something about how there is always enough time in the day to do the will of God.
That must mean that if I feel strapped for time, then I'm trying to do too many things - some of which are not God's will. 
ouch.

This next year, I want to grow in being able to discern what the Lord's will is for each of the moments of my day.  That seems so elementary as I write it out. Like, "welcome to being a Christian - this is the very first thing you should learn"...but I'm so far from mastering that skill.

Praise the Lord for His grace - praise the Lord that He is not finished with His work in me - and praise the Lord that He is the One who is even allowing me to realize that there are still big things that I need to work on.
What a faithful God.